|Ummm, I think he's declared his|
independence from laziness...
but not hunkiness!!!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
How I Overcame Lazy This Week: I Officially Declare My Independence (From Laziness)
Birthday cake fixins to celebrate two birthdays? Check
(Neither my brother nor I was born on the 4th of July, but close!)
Nope. In fact, in the true spirit of Independence Day, this week I’m declaring my family’s independence from Lazy! Like our forefathers 235 years before us, we feel Lazy has been unfairly taxing us. Most certainly, Lazy has been brutally taxing ON us in many ways by constantly threatening to authoritatively rule our thoughts and actions to make us virtual pawns in its imperialistic fast hold.
Well, not the “T” family. We are declaring war on Lazy!
Here’s our official Declaration of Independence From Lazy:
(Don’t worry: it’s waaaaaay shorter than the original… and possibly a little less dry).
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to hoist their lazy posteriors off the couch and to wrest the Cheetos bag from their steely grip and to assume among the power of human nature, the magnificent potential yet imperfect qualities with which we are all bestowed from Nature’s God, that a decent respect to their well-being requires that they should declare the intentions which impel them to pursue an improved, un-lazy lifestyle.
We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created with flaws, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unenviable Characteristics, that among these are slothfulness, gluttony and the pursuit of Laziness. That to overcome these tendencies, Exercises and Nutrition Programs are instituted among Men and Women, deriving their degree of effectiveness from the dedication of the participants. That whenever any Form of Laziness threatens to overtake our lifestyle, it is the Right and Duty of the People to alter or abolish it… and kick its arse* to the curb!!!**
This is war, Lazy! We’re sick of you trying to dominate our lives. We’re knocking you off your high and mighty throne and wiping that smug, confident smirk off your face! You’ve ruled our thoughts and actions long enough. You are our dictator no longer! We’re the new Superpower in town now and just wait till you see what we become in 235 years….or more like, 5, since we’ll be dead in 235 years!
WE SHALL OVERCOME!
We’re already winning some of the battles, however something tells me this is gonna be a looooong war. But - like our founding fathers discovered – it’s well worth the fight!
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, EVERYONE!!!
*When I use naughty words I tend to use a cockney accent.
**Also, I try not to use massive amounts of run-on sentences (not that I haven’t!) like our friend Tommy Jefferson but I wanted to remain true to the style of this historic document.